Ryn's Recount

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Contact details

+61 2 ********
ryn@zip.com.au
http://www.zip.com.au/~ryn

Catching up

Its been an awfully long time since I sent a copy of a newsletter out. Firstly, you'll notice the name change. This is in keeping with a nickname or alias I use on the Internet. And if you ever need to get me on the 'net, look up Ryn using Yahoo's search engine and you should find me.

Such a lot has happened in the last two and a half years. I hardly know where to begin. One of my many recent challenges has been the discovery of my hearing loss. I have a high frequency loss in my left ear causing difficulties hearing when there is background noise, and a speech range loss in my right ear causing difficulty hearing lower frequencies. My family's reaction to this discovery after years of me scooting close to the TV: It wasn't her eyes! It was her ears!

For many years I have also had ringing in the ears, or tinnitus. I had thought it was what everyone heard in "silence". In fact, I don't remember a time when my ears didn't ring. Through one of my psychology subjects (Perception and Perceptual Impairment) I discovered I had many of the symptoms outlined in the journal articles I was reading on hearing impairment. Though self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing, I took myself off to an audiologist while I lived in Melbourne and my loss was discovered.

After much investigation by an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, and then a second opinion, it was decided I don't require treatment. There is no answer as to why I have a hearing loss, simply that it exists. I'm happy not to press the issue, because I've lived with it thus far. Knowing earlier might have explained some of my difficulties in studying and concentration, but ultimately, there isn't a lot that can be done. Its something I learn to live with.

Life, Love and happiness...

Some of you may know that I moved to Melbourne to live with a young man I met on the internet. Well, going against the media nonsense about all these successful love affairs on the 'net, the partnership hasn't lasted. I've returned to Canberra to evaluate what I've learned and what I'd do differently next time. Glen is a lovely person and a good friend and we lived together for two years. I'll leave it at that for now.

For those of you that don't know already, I have been working as a Braille Transcriber for about the last fifteen months. I specialise in mathematical code (of course, what else!) and have recently been advocating the introduction of the Unified Braille Code in Australia.

At present I'm working for the Canberra Blind Society and also for the ACT Department of Education and Training. My skills are in demand. I am assured that neither workplace wishes to lose my skills. I do a little volunteer instruction with the PC User's Group, tackling difficult subjects like Introduction to Windoze 95 and Introduction to Netscape, Eudora and FreeAgent.

I'm one of the very few people in the country who is tertiary educated and transcribing mathematics. I find this work both stimulating and challenging. I hope to pursue a career in Braille here and overseas. Then again, I'm a bit of a dreamer, so who knows what I'll end up doing.

Change

I am struck most recently by change. By how people change, and how they stay the same. Its an interesting phenomenon. I continue to pursue my hobby of people watching, enjoying most the interaction between friends or partners. The dynamics of interpersonal relationships often takes my breath away: from either beauty or sheer frustration.

I learned a considerable amount from and with Glen about how we might have avoided some confusion. I learned too, that basing a relationship on an idea or the perception of a person doesn't necessarily make a happy partnership.

Ultimately, I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it work through sheer, one-sided determination. I wore myself out. And I feel a measure of strength that I was able to leave the relationship before the added complication of children.

I feel I've changed significantly through this experience and others. I feel a very different person to the one who left Dickson College all those years ago. And in many ways I have changed.

Returning home has put me in touch with a few old friends. It was with a great deal of fondness I embraced these friends and a sardonic twist of a smile that I looked at some and thought how little they've changed.

The lack of change was, in fact, discussed at one point. The suggestion was put forward that the reason it seems people do not change is because we act as we did when we knew these people in the past. For my part, I just did not know where to begin to outline my life. Does one start with personal relationships? Does one only mention workplaces?

I think, in the most important ways, I have grown. I am more secure in myself, more confident. I am realising my limitations, and I am dealing with many issues I was not able to deal with as an 18-year-old who had recently lost her father.

This is not something one can easily portray in a brief interlude with some old acquaintances. The problem is exacerbated by my hearing impairment when in a public meeting place such as a bar or coffee shop. I tire easily from the intensity of concentration I maintain when with others. I tend to sit back and listen to noise washing over me like a bubbling stream, the sound meaningless but comforting.

Reputation

One of the things that has always amazed me about my "friends" from both school and university, is their ability to believe rumour and gossip. It has particularly confused me that I have acquired a reputation for sleeping around, despite the inability to substantiate any of the rumours. On the whole I find it quite amusing, wishing, in my wistful way, that it were at least half-true.

I have never found it difficult to discuss sex. I have never found it difficult to express my attraction to people. I feel it's a great sadness that my openness and honesty causes embarrassment or discomfort.

Overall, I try to be a loving and physically demonstrative person. I thoroughly believe that not enough hugs are shared between friends in this crazy world.

End bit...

The end is nigh, alas. Our time has too short. You are all caught up on the life and times of Carolyn and, without a doubt, you are none the wiser for the information.

I would very much welcome contact from anyone and everyone. The most immediate way to receive a reply and more regular updates from me is via e-mail.

So, if you have an account, and are interested in being in touch, please do send me the details. If not, I still enjoy receiving letters and even, on occasion, phone calls. All details are overleaf.

Hope all your dreams are coming true.

Carolyn


Last modified: June 14, 2005
Author: Ryn Gibbs
URL: http://www.gibbs.net.au/ryn/about/newsletter/old-recount.html